Eurovision Song Contest

It's that time of year again when we traditionally crack open a bottle of wine and sit down for a good laugh in front of Eurovison Song Contest

Yes, we've got to be some of the only people in Europe who actually admit to watching this.

France's Les Fatals Picards were trying (and succeeding) to be funny. They were all wearing pink, the drummer had a pair of angels wings protruding from his back, and the bald guy with the position of "man with no talent"*1 ran in circles around the stage with a fake cat strapped to his neck.

Russian entry - Girls Aloud in school uniform. (I feel the need to quote Zirk, a lecherous egg-shaped alien featured in Axel Pressbutton - "Hubba hubba hubba").

Ukrainian Entry - probably the most camp entry this year - Verka Serduchka looked like Christopher Biggins in a Star Spangled suit - with a massive silver star on his head. This one's probably going to get our vote.

Bulgarian entry - loads of atmospheric wailing and drums. Kind of liked this one, but then I am polishing off the wine.

All of the belly dancers in the Turkish entry are British!

The UK entry is appalling - but then we don't want to win it, and fork out the bill for hosting the event next year, do we?

None of them are as good as last years winners - Finland's Zombie Death Metal band Lordi (first time we've helped vote in a winner).

It's voting time, so we've voted for the Ukraine.

Finland has never hosted the event before, so they've really gone for it. To entertain us whilst they're adding up we have 3 Goth Metal Cellists, a man swallowing a flourescent tube, some cycling trapeze artists, a man spinning inside a metal ring that's not attached to anything and Darth Maul juggling fire sticks.

Now they're announcing the results. This bit's great. Old political alliances and regional disuputes are reflected in the voting year after year.

*1 This is the guy who dances, vaguely provides backing vocals, may occasionally tap a tambourine etc. examples are Andrew Ridgely, Linda McCartney, Bez, that bloke from Frankie goes to Hollywood, the chap in Soft Cell who wasn't Marc Almond...