Every week I recieve a couple of "professional" magazines Computing and Computer Weekly
This weeks editions both have an advert for a Microsoft Anti-Virus product, that contains advice for fighting off a Ninja attack in the workplace.
1. Avoid Ninjas in the first place
Ask yourself - why have Ninjas chosen your company? Did you do something to offend a powerful warlord? Answer this question and you'll be ready for next time.
2. Use your phone (to call for help)
Ninjas are tough, and no one will judge if you call for help. Reinforcements from branch offices, even the warehouse crew, can make the difference when Ninjas attack.
3. Use office plants as weapons
Those dusty-looking palms around your office may look harmless, but they can make formidable weapons. Use the fronds as pokers; aim for the Ninja's sensitive spots. Cacti are useful for the Ninja-beseiged enterprise. Throw them, pot and all, like grenades.
4. Use your whiteboard as a shield.
Ninjas love throwing stars, known as shuriken. They are sharp, and pointy, and when thrown they stick in deep and hurt a lot. Grab the nearest whiteboard and use it as a shield. Yes, it'll ruin the whiteboard, but you can explain later.
5. Find a weapon, any weapon
Ninjas are deadly. In an office setting, however, their Ninja skills are at a disadvantage. Use what's at hand to take them by surprise. Hot coffee flung at a Ninja will get his attention. Or simply dump your wastebasket on his head - both disabling and humiliating.
I guess that it's funnier with the pictures (which I don't have the ability to reproduce at the moment).
Of course this is teaching your grandmother-to-suck-eggs for those of you office workers who regularly have to fend-off the Crimson Permanent Assurance :)
Could come in handy. I'm doing my first major system release all on my own tomorrow evening, which means stopping, patching and (hopefully) restarting the system. Naturally I'm feeling a litte nervous about this, but at least I don't need to worry too much about an unexpected Ninja attack!
3 comments:
Hope the update went well.
Shame they missed the bast advice which came from the last living ninja back in the 50s if my memory isn't playing tricks: Turn the lights on. Electric lighting made it a lot easier for body guards to see a ninja sneaking around and thus easier to apprehend or eliminate.
If that fails you could always throw a stack of cover mount CDs at them ;-)
The update went OK thanks - not a Ninja in sight (nor lurking in the shadows either).
See keeping the lights on works
Or had you deployed CNN (Counter Ninja Ninjas) around the office in anticipation. And if you had could you tell if they were there? (Which reminds me of this issue of Order of the Stick
;-)
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